Club Nouveau

Last week I was asked to model in a fashion show on Saturday held at Twin Oaks Country Club. I said “yes” wondering if this was some sort of joke or if they were trying to make the real models feel good by putting me in with them. Although the show didn’t start until 12:30, we were requested to arrive at 9:30 so our hair and make-up could be tweaked and we could practice modeling.

One step inside the room and I realized this was no ordinary event. About a dozen “ladies” were milling around chatting with each other. The sheer volume of make-up and rhinestones was overwhelming. I arrived in Bermuda shorts, a blouse and Birkenstocks and was severely underdressed. These women were so decked out that I thought most of them were already in their outfits for the show. My favorite outfit was on a 50-something woman who was wearing cropped jeans with ribbon and rhinestone trim, an embroidered jacket, and lucite (yes, I said lucite) heels. I asked her if they were comfortable and she said (laughing), “Oh, honey, no these aren’t comfortable. I only wear them if I don’t have to walk much!” I guess sitting in a chair, having your hair done for a fashion show, qualifies.

After an hour or so, refreshments were brought in to the room so we could nibble before the show. We had a nice cheese/cracker/grapes tray, water and iced tea, and two large carafes of wine. Yes, wine. I guess they wanted to make sure we were relaxed. I can tell you that since my shoes were 4″ tall, I wasn’t taking a chance with alcohol. Apparently, that didn’t faze a few of the other models who polished off the white wine in no time flat. Nobody acted drunk, but I was amazed at the alcohol intake before noon. I was feeling like the stuffy member of the country club sorority set.

Then the show began. The theme of the event was “outdoors” and tables were decorated in camping gear complete with s’mores centerpieces. I was wondering what the purpose of this event was when it dawned on me: this was something for the “girls” to do while their husbands competed in a golf tournament. Call me weird, but I’d be doing something else on my day off besides lunching at the club. But I digress…we modeled, looked fabulous, were praised for our poise, then we immediately changed and got the hell out of there. It became crystal clear to me that I will never be part of the country club set. I barely survived one sorority in my lifetime so I’m not volunteering for another, thankyouverymuch.

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