Lately, I’ve been obsessed with numbers. Mainly numbers that pertain to my weight or clothing size. I rejoined Weight Watchers about a month ago since I felt like I was sliding off the program and wanted to get back on track. Since then, my entire mental/emotional state has hinged on what I weigh, what clothing size I wear and how much I’ve gained/lost during a seven day period. Things have gotten so bad that I’m now constantly comparing myself to others and feeling very down on myself. So here’s how the numbers stack up as of today:
22 – The number of points I’m allowed to eat in a day according to Weight Watchers.
18 – The clothing size I wore when I was at my heaviest.
10 – The number of pounds I’d like to lose and the size clothing I’m currently wearing. Unless it’s a dress or white pants, then I automatically go up to a 12 and alter the parts that are too big.
5’8″ – My height.
8 – The clothing size I’d like to wear.
6 – The size I wore at my smallest (which lasted about 5 minutes).
4 – The number of times I eat a day. This includes my afternoon snack.
2.8 – The number of pounds I lost two weeks ago.
1 – The number of pounds I gained last week. Shit.
0 – The size my sister wears.
Infinite – The number of times per day I think about my weight.
I really think this whole mind set is very unhealthy and I’m not sure how to go about changing it. Last week I commented to the woman at WW that I was really discouraged about my inability to lose. I’d been logging my eating faithfully, working out 5x per week and drinking all my water. She said, “Well, these things take time.” Gee, thanks. Then she asked me where I would be without WW. Perhaps less obsessed? I don’t know. It’s a great program and it really does work, but I’m getting really tired of the numbers game. Good thing I’m not an accountant!