Pretty Pretty Bang Bang

I’ve never posted a forwarded email, but this one just struck me as funny and I had to share. I especially love the one about banks charging for insufficient funds. Our checkbook got majorly messed up recently and we were charged for the problem. I called and the funds were reimbursed, but I still found it interesting that they were subtracting even more money out of an account that was already negative. Have a great Friday everyone!

Why, why why?

Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ! ‘lisp’?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, ‘It’s all right?’ Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, ‘That hurt, you stupid idiot?’

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And, finally…

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.

This week, so far, has been full of little successes that have made it quite enjoyable. First, and most importantly, I finally priced all of my pieces for next week’s show. I think the prices are fair and I’m really proud of everything I’ve made. Now, wish me luck that they sell.

Next up is something I haven’t discussed yet. I’m a bit superstitious about weight-loss success. I guess I just think that by bragging I’m encouraging fat karma to come over and kick me in the ass (as it has many times.) A month ago I joined a gym for the first time in my life. Naturally, the first week was the hardest both mentally and physically. I’ve never been comfortable working out around other people, but this place is small and every one has the same goals – to be stronger and fitter. The first day, I had my body fat percentage done (yikes!) and my weight recorded. After one month of weight training 3x per week and cardio 5x per week I learned yesterday that I’d lost 2% body fat, but gained 5 lbs. I know, I know, muscle weighs more than fat, but I’m still irritated that my clothes fit exactly the same! The guy I’m working with assured me that I’d made great progress and I should throw away my scale. Yeah, easy for him to say. So I’ll enjoy my success for a bit, keep up with what I’m doing and not get a big head about it. Fat Tammy is just around the corner eating a candy bar so I’m trying to stay out of her way!

My studio worker, Lori, had her final week with me. She’s a senior and needs to concentrate on her show in December. I told her that she could work for me as long as she wanted, but that I’d probably kick her out in October so she could work on her own stuff. She will be missed. Having her here two days a week forced me to organize my work load and work ahead. Plus, I really enjoyed her company. Fortunately, she hasn’t gone far and said she’d call me if she has time to work in the future. With her help, I’ve increased my inventory and feel like I have a good head start on the holiday season.

Dillard’s is offering an additional 30% off sale prices so guess where I’ll be this afternoon?! With all the work I’ve accomplished so far, I’m treating myself to a little retail therapy time. Granted, mom and I did some shopping on Tuesday, but this is extra sale prices! Plus, [MAC](http://www.maccosmetics.com/templates/collections/collection.tmpl?CATEGORY_ID=CATEGORY20909) introduces their new eye shadows today called Matte Squared. These velvety shadows are the perfect companions to all my frosty shades. I’ve already played with them and have several chosen for my collection. Today, I’ll probably just indulge in one.

So, it’s been a good week so far and the weekend is just around the corner. We’re full of social obligations as usual, but they involve seeing good friends so it should be fun. Hope your week and weekend are great.

Tonight I met mom for dinner at Ruby Tuesdays, one of our favorite haunts (it’s all about the salad bar). Since it’s located in the Battlefield Mall, we took a short stroll after dinner. Mom had to buy some birthday gifts for a teenager which meant trips to Hollister and Abercrombie & Fitch, two stores I never visit. Both produced olfactory overloads and had such loud music it was hard to hear what the salespeople were saying. Clearly, I’m not their target audience which is fine with me. After those harrowing adventures, mom mentioned she wanted to check out the [Bitten](http://www.bittensjp.com/index.php) line at Steve and Barry’s. Because the store is located by the Food Court, I rarely venture down that way unless I’m indulging in my Chick-Fil-A cravings so I hadn’t seen the new fall collection. I had purchased a cute knit top by Bitten this past summer, but it lost it’s luster when the black rubbed off on my favorite orange leather purse. What should I expect for $7.95? Hell, it cost more than that to have the purse cleaned. But I digress. Mom and I tried on some of the jeans and had a surprising success. The Premium Straight Leg jeans are really nice on and they come in short, regular and long lengths. I chose the deep, rinse wash while mom got a slightly lighter rinse. For $14.98 they were a nice bargain and fit like jeans 4x the price. I will say you need to take several pairs back and understand you’ll probably have to go up a size. I did and the waist is a little big, but the next size down was much too small. What I liked was the dark rinse, the long length and the price. If I lose weight and they don’t fit any more (wishful thinking) I don’t feel bad about buying another pair. Now, these don’t completely take the place of my all-time favorite [Long and Lean jeans from Gap](http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=15675&pid=488528), but at $14.98 they’re a nice addition to my denim wardrobe.

I’m almost done with the pieces for my show at Waverly House, but the hardest part is yet to come. Now I have to decide what to charge for all of my hard work. I realize I won’t get paid for every hour I spend on the piece, but I need to make the price fair both to me and the customer. Granulation is tough because most people don’t realize the extensive time it takes to make the piece. I make the granules, place them on the piece, fuse them to the surface (usually in several increments), put the piece together and finish the surface. Most pieces have 10-20 hours in them. I have decided to make the price expensive enough to make it special and affordable enough to not break the bank. So far it looks like earrings will be $125-150 and pendants will be $125-250. I might have one or two at $300 and my brooch is $500. I’ll just have to wait and see if any of them sell!

Well, TGIF. I’m on the mend and feeling better today. I think the worst part of having a cold is the sinus drainage that never seems to end. I’ve already depleted a box of Kleenex and am starting on a new on. I walk around sounding like a goose, honking my nose every 15 minutes or so. This too shall pass. I did discover an upside to being sick: yesterday, as I was baking cookies and brownies for Steve to take camping, I had no desire to eat any of them. I had to have Steve taste them to make sure they were good. My appetite is fine otherwise, but the baked goods just weren’t doing it for me. It’s just as well seeing as I can’t seem to lose any weight lately.

Today’s agenda involves working on some granulation, getting Steve organized to go camping and a trip to Target. The new [Go International line by Alice Temperley](http://www.target.com/gp/browse.html/ref=sc_iw_r_1_0/602-7978411-4668627?node=16275561) is out and I’m curious. I checked out the pieces online and wasn’t thrilled, but you never know what they’ll look like in person. With a resurgence of heat here, it’s hard to get thrilled about fall clothes. Damn this global warming!

Have a good weekend everyone!

Nothing makes me more angry than getting sick. The first thing I want to do is locate the source and destroy it. I know, I know, that’s completely unreasonable and irrational, but lay off I’m sick! It all started with sneezing on Monday which I chalked up to allergies. Then it began to drain into the back of my throat. Tuesday I was feeling a bit sickly, but spent the whole day enameling in the studio and felt good about my progress. That is, until two of my pieces broke on the final finishing. Argh! This is why so few people enamel – it’s frustrating! Yesterday morning I woke up feeling ok, but not 100%. Like a crazy person, I worked out and I think that may have made me feel worse. I was grounded the rest of the day. Steve was swamped at work and couldn’t come home to help so Kevin, Valerie’s husband, stopped by with some chicken soup. I slept off and on most of the day but did go out for some cold medicine around 4 pm. Forget this whole “waiting it out” crap, I need medication.

I slept better last night despite a major neck cramp and am hoping to get around more today. My plate is completely full as I’m trying to get stuff done for my show on October 5. Everything is due at [Waverly House](http://www.waverlyhousegifts.com/) next Friday so I need to get on the ball. Steve’s going camping this weekend so I’ll have the whole house to myself and plenty of time to work. Hope everyone is having a healthy day.

Yesterday was a day filled with unexpected emotions. Steve and I traveled to Fulton, MO (birthplace of my mom) to attend a reception at a gallery on the campus of William Woods University. First stop was lunch at my dad’s where Karen fixed the best Reuben sandwiches I’d ever eaten. Actually, I didn’t know I’d like a Reuben until Karen made it. Dad was glued to the golf tournament on tv (where Tiger was playing!) and wasn’t coming to the reception. I was a bit peeved with him, but Karen said she was going so I just let the whole thing go.

Steve and I went to Fulton ahead of Karen so we could take a trip around town. Downtown, where I spent my childhood visiting Sault’s Drugstore and Stuart’s bookstore, was looking a bit sad. However, it was Sunday so everything was closed. I noticed that Gidley’s shoes was still there as well as the antique store on the corner so that was comforting. Then we drove by 208 W. 7th Street, former home of my grandparents. Steve parked the car and I looked at the house thinking that it actually looked better than I’d seen it in a long time. Steve suggested we go up to the door and tell the owners the house looked nice. I felt a little weird doing it, but something made me get out of the car and go up to the door. It was when I reached the front door that I had a hard time keeping myself composed. Seeing the plaque declaring the home a Howard Bell historical home just brought back too many memories. Steve rang the bell and a small man answered it. I tried to explain who I was and why I was standing on his porch but I kept getting choked up. I’m sure he thought I was a weirdo. What really struck me was that as soon as he opened the door, I could smell the house and it smelled just like it did when my grandparents lived there. It’s a hard smell to explain but it’s like a mixture of warm wood, old books, wool and mothballs. It made me feel comforted in a weird way. The man didn’t invite us in (and I don’t blame him) but I looked past him and noticed the metallic striped wallpaper was still in the entryway which made me feel good, like a piece of my grandparents was still there. He said he’d lived there about three years and had recently stripped and re-varnished all the floors. I’m sure they were beautiful. I’m glad we didn’t go inside because it would have just been too much for me to see the changes. I prefer to revisit the house in my mind and remember the way it was.

After that, we went to the reception where I discovered that one of my brooches had been displayed incorrectly during the whole show. They had placed it in the case with the pin side up. Full of emotions I just lost it. The curator of the gallery apologized but I felt he was insincere and got even more pissed. Karen arrived and I calmed down by walking the gallery with her and chatting with people I knew. At the end of the event, the curator came up to me and sincerely apologized and said he was very embarrassed it happened. He did point out that the back of the brooch was so beautiful that it was hard to tell the correct side. I guess the double pin stem was too subtle! Anyway, I told him I overreacted a bit and explained what I’d done before attending the show.

After all that I was ready to go home and leave the day and Fulton behind. A quick stop at the Marshall’s Megastore at Lake Ozark gave me some retail therapy and a couple of goodies. All in all, an emotional day and one I don’t wish to repeat any time soon. I guess it’s true, you can’t go home again. Or if you do, it will be very different.

Yesterday we replaced the last old window in our house – the 6 ft. picture window in the living room. It was a beautiful old multi-pane window, but efficiency-wise it was the equivalent of a giant tarp-covered hole in the wall. Since all of our other windows are Pella, we called them to give us an estimate on the front window. We were surprised to learn it was less expensive than we thought. Plus, the guy from Pella explained that our new window would be 80% more efficient so it would probably pay for itself in no time. A cancellation in the schedule yesterday made it possible to have it done immediately. The guys showed up around 2:30 and were done by 4. Yes, it took only 1 1/2 hours to take out the old window, replace it with the new one, and do the trim. I was floored! Apparently, this was really easy since the old window was in a frame. All they did was measure, order the correct size for the new one, and replace it. They crew was polite and very neat (I think they even swept up all the cat hair balls on the floor).

The window is gorgeous! A 6 ft. wall of glass – tempered for safety. What’s weird is that we’re used to the panes of the old window (that were usually dirty) so now it’s a bit unnerving to come around the corner and see outside so clearly. Last night when we came home from dinner, Steve had a moment of panic when he thought there was a hole in the front of our house. It’s just so clear. I can’t wait to put up my aluminum Christmas tree!

I fell in love with Tim Gunn when I first saw him on Season One of [Project Runway](http://www.bravotv.com/Project_Runway/). His incredible vocabulary alone was enough to keep me watching week after week, but I loved his poise and the way he worked with the designers. So I was very excited to see he had his own show, [Tim Gunn’s Guide To Style](http://www.bravotv.com/Tim_Gunn/index.php?__source=GGLS|CAMP012TimGunn_Cast|ADGP015Cast+-+Tim+Gunn|KWRD008tim+gunn&sky=GGL|CAMP012TimGunn_Cast|ADGP015Cast+-+Tim+Gunn|KWRD008tim+gunn). I watched last week and was actually crying at the end. The show if full of great suggestions and ideas and I love the way he works with the individual’s body type and personality. He gave last week’s victim(!) a list of everything she needed to buy which included several items Tim says no wardrobe should be without. I thought I’d share them with you so you can edit your own closet.

* A little black dress. I have a lovely black linen sheath that has served me well for both weddings and funerals. I invested in the best one I could afford. My favorite lbd is, unfortunately, too small right now but I’m working on that. The goal is to wear it the first night of WinterFest (November 30). We’ll see…

* A white shirt. This is a toughie for me. I have a long-sleeved one I wear in the fall, but white shirts are just borderline boring to me. The ones I find interesting are either too sheer or too expensive. I’m looking for something with interesting detail that isn’t dry clean only. Seriously, you would not believe the 100% cotton shirts I’ve tried on that have tags reading “dry clean only.”

* A Trench coat. Don’t own one and I don’t know if I ever will. I’m not a detective and I’m not that conservative. Oh, I’ve found ones that I like, don’t get me wrong, but they are in the several hundred dollar range. I’m always hoping I’ll find something satin or metallic or something besides khaki. Truth is, I just haven’t looked too hard over the last few years because I have it ingrained in my head that they’re boring.

* Simple black pumps. I’m covered here in several varieties. I have a gorgeous pair of suede ones I snagged on the 75% off sale rack last year. I love that they’re not too high, but look really sexy and classy at the same time.

* Ballet flats. These are hard for me since I have really high arches, but I do have a delicious pair of Ferragamos I bought at a resale shop for $22. Yes, $22 for Ferragamos. Now I know why people spend money on designer shoes. These babies are super comfortable and look great. They are a small, leopard print calf hair flat with chocolate leather trim. I’ve had them for about four years and they still look new (they were barely used when I bought them).

* Black pants. I say you should own at least three pair: 1 long enough for heels, 1 for flats and 1 with some detail. The best silhouette is a “stovepipe” leg which falls straight from your hip. This works on every body type and is universally flattering.

* A day dress. I have a wrap dress I bought last year and I love it. I can’t say that I really wear it all that much (oh yeah, I’m going to work in a metals studio in a dress), but it always makes me feel good when I put it on. I can wear it all year long and dress it up or down. I usually wear it in the fall and winter with leggings or tights and boots.

* Dark denim jeans. Washes on jeans can sabotage even the slimmest figure so an even dark wash is always a good choice. I like a boot cut or flare jean, but you can play with cut depending on your figure. Dark jeans can be dressed up or down and look professional in a casual office environment. Make sure they’re long enough for a heel. Pairing dark jeans with heels can make even the shortest legs look really long.

* A structured jacket. I have several of these and they are my secret weapon on achieving a waist. With all the crop styles currently on the market, I’ve had trouble finding new ones, but will keep looking. A structured jacket will add a waist, shoulders and curves to the most flawed figures. This is an investment so don’t be afraid to spend a little money here. Plus, a simple tailored jacket will last for years. I have them in khaki, white, black and chocolate brown.

Guess that’s all of my wisdom for today. Man, I feel like I’ve been on a fashion lecture kick lately. Sorry if it’s getting boring!

In the Springfield area? Need something to do tonight (besides getting your drink on)? Then stop by [The Waverly House](http://www.waverlyhousegifts.com/) for Meet The Artist. I’ll be doing a demo of my granulation tonight from 5-9 p.m. I also posted some new granulation pics on [my website](http://www.redbeedesigns.com/) but it doesn’t seem to be working right now. Check back later today or tomorrow because the new stuff is kick ass! If I do say so myself (and I did).

Hope to see you at Waverly House. They are serving wine and champagne!