Pretty Pretty Bang Bang

While at the gym on Friday, Lee and I got into a detailed discussion of songs we hate. I’m talking about complete dreck we can’t believe was ever recorded. While the list is long, I thought I’d share the top five songs we just can’t stand. Feel free to post comments about your most hated songs.

1. “Never Been To Me” by Charlene. From what I can gather, this song’s about a woman (we assume it’s the singer, Charlene) who accosts another woman on the street and proceeds to bore her with a sob story about how she’s done all kinds of great things in her life but she’s “never been to me.” Well, boo hoo and bfd. Apparently, no amount of traveling or whoring around can make Charlene happy so the best she can do is stop another woman from repeating the same mistakes. The worst line is, “I’ve seen some things that a woman ain’t supposed to see.” What in the world is she talking about? Did she enter some secret frat ceremony? By the time you reach the end of the song you just wish the woman would pull out a gun and shoot Charlene to put all of us out of our misery.

2. “You’re Having My Baby” by Paul Anka. Paul, Paul, Paul what did the American public do to you to deserve such a song? Apparently, Paul is thrilled that his woman loves him so much she’s willing to have his baby and all he can do is sing about it. Being a modern man, Paul thanks his woman for seeing the pregnancy through a not aborting it. Yep, Paul actually sings, “Didn’t have to keep it, wouldn’t put ya through it, you could have swept it from your life, but you wouldn’t do it. No, you wouldn’t do it.” At this point, if this song were being sung to me, I’d probably move to another state, change my name and raise the kid on my own. Ick.

3. “Seasons in the Sun” by Terry Jacks. It’s a toss-up between this song and “Never Been To Me” for the song that I find most annoying. Apparently Terry is mourning the loss of a friend, his youth, his father, life and a woman in this horrible song. The song is about telling everyone goodbye and also driving the listener crazy with “we had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun but the wine and this song like the seasons have all gone.” In the end you wish Terry would just join everyone else in the afterlife and shut the f**k up.

4. “MacArthur Park” by Donna Summer. Apparently Donna did not have access to the Internet or a cookbook because she’s all worried about her cake and how she’ll never have that recipe again. And who in the world leaves a cake out in the rain? Who leaves a cake outside in the first place? I’d be more worried about bugs than rain. And if a cake takes that long to bake why would you just set it outside only to be ruined in the rain? Geez, I hate this song.

5. “Rocky” by Dickey Lee. Anyone who has lived in Springfield, MO for any length of time knows that this horrible song was written by KGBX radio personality Woody P. Snow. You know this because he loves to talk about it. It’s his 15 minutes of fame that just won’t die. The song is about a man, Rocky, who seems to pride himself as the “rock” (get it?) of his girlfriend. “She said Rocky I’ve never been in love before. Don’t know if I can do it. But if you let me lean on you, take my hand I might get through it.” Apparently this girl can barely function without him because she needs his help falling in love, having a baby and dying. Then Rocky needs her help coping with her death. I don’t know what’s worse about this song, the actual lyrics or the fact Woody P. Snow thinks he’s a songwriting genius for writing it.

I could go on and on but these are the top five Lee and I discussed. What are some of your favorite songs to hate? “Brandy” by Looking Glass” “The Night Chicago Died” by Paper Lace? “Billy Don’t Be a Hero” also by Paper Lace? Or perhaps all Paper Lace songs in general?

Today I celebrate 43 years of life on this planet. I’ve done a lot of great things, a lot of stupid things and a lot of things I’ve regretted. However, I’ve learned a lot in the process. Here are a few observations and things I’ve learned so far. Please note, this list is not complete and I hope I have a long time ahead of me to accomplish things and make mistakes.

I’ve finally accepted the fact I will never have a flat stomach no matter how hard I try. Thank God for Spanx.

I’ve learned I can’t eat as much as I want, drink as much as I want or spend as much as I want and feel good about myself.

Music sounds better on vinyl than it does on a CD.

My sister isn’t nearly as annoying as I once thought she was. Actually, she’s really funny and my best friend.

My gut instincts are rarely wrong.

Most people I initially dislike end up becoming my best friends.

When I was single I occasionally spent the last of my paycheck on shoes before I bought groceries and I never regretted it.

A universal remote does not allow me to control the universe. That was a hard lesson to learn.

I was born to wear my hair short. I once spent three years growing it out and it looked terrible once it got past my chin.

It’s never too late to start over. Whether it’s a new career or a new life, life’s too short to be unhappy.

I can’t live without a KitchenAid mixer.

I believe in quality over quantity for almost everything. One great pair of black pants is much better than three pair that are just ok.

Tanning is overrated. I have not tanned in 10+ years and don’t plan to start now. Sure, I like a little color, but I’ll get it out of a bottle.

I can actually live without Diet Coke.

I’m not meant to wear dresses. I feel much more chic in a great pair of pants rather than a dress.

A good purse is a wise investment. I don’t buy cheap bags.

I am the Grim Reaper of plants.

Going to college doesn’t make you a smarter person. I know a lot of people without college degrees who are much smarter than I am.

Never judge a book by its cover. Yes, that’s a cliche, but it’s so very true.

Birthdays are just a way of keeping track of age. I can still act immature!

Today I celebrate the birth of my oldest niece, Julia, who is six years old. I remember the day she was born. Ralph called me early to inform me she was on the way to the hospital and was still sure she was having a boy. Ralph and Blair opted not to know the sex of their child. I told her I knew she was going to have a girl because that’s what I wanted her to have! Sure enough, Julia was born a few hours later and the world became a little brighter.

She’s a beautiful girl (yeah, yeah, I’m biased) and a joy to be around. She’s opinionated (wonder where she gets that?), outgoing, funny (very funny) and sweet to her little sister, Lydia. My only regret is that she doesn’t live closer so I can see her on her actual birthday but the family is coming to visit next week so I don’t have long to wait.

Happy Birthday Julia! Enjoy your special day, your star-shaped pinata and the High School Musical DVD Uncle Steve and Aunt Tammy sent you.

Although I’m sure he won’t read this, I wish my dad a Happy Father’s Day today and reflect on the things he taught me. We have not always seen eye-to-eye, but I still admire him for the things he’s accomplished and the obstacles he’s overcome.

My dad is the reason I have an appreciation for and love of music. At an early age my parents were filling the house with The Beach Boys, The Kingston Trio and Bob Dylan. Although it took me about 42 years to learn to appreciate Bob Dylan, I can say that I’m coming around  and actually enjoy some of his work. Dad always encouraged me to listen to music even when it meant playing something I know he probably hated (like David Cassidy). He always talked about the artist, the musicians in the band, who wrote the music and who produced it. This is information I still seek out when I buy new music.

Dad is a musician and has played many instruments throughout his life. I believe he started with the piano and played mostly classical music for many years. Later he graduated to guitar and drums. I love hearing stories of my parents dating years when dad was in a band and they used to party all weekend. Mom says the crew would crash at my grandparent’s house and my grandmother would fix a big breakfast in the morning.

Today dad is officially retired but he plays the guitar and writes music, this is when he’s not on the golf course. Oh, did I mention he’s an amazing golfer?! He has a studio in his house where he can record and edit his own work or that of others. A few years ago he had a band, but they split up when dad and Karen moved away. While my dad rarely shares his music with me, it’s always a treat to hear it. I think he’s an amazing, talented man and I love him very much.

Happy Father’s Day, dad!

Yesterday I received a friend request on Facebook from someone I thought I’d gone to high school with. I spent most of the day wondering why this person had a younger birthdate until I realized it was not the girl from high school, but someone I’d met through a professional organization years before. You’re probably thinking I must be some kind of special idiot to make this mistake, but both of them have very unusual names and look similar. Plus, in my defense, I haven’t seen my former classmate for probably 25+ years so I’m sure you can understand my initial confusion.

All of this prompted me to drag out my yearbooks to find a picture of the girl I initially thought had contacted me. She left Greenwood after our sophomore year. After finding her photo I decided to browse through the yearbook and laugh at all the pictures. This was 1982 and we were some stylin’ sophomores. My photo is in black and white but I remember what I was wearing: a pink oxford shirt (with monogram), dark jeans and my pink heart-shaped earrings. My hair is short, parted down the middle and feathered. Oh yeah, I looked good.

What really cracked me up was reading all the inscriptions in the yearbook. Apparently I was described by many as  “sweet,” “crazy,” “weird,” “funny” and “entertaining.” I was also reminded that during my sophomore year  I participated in a game of strip Crazy Eights while on a trip to the state basketball finals. That little game haunted me for many years and was even played at our senior skip day trip. In the grand scheme of things, the game was quite tame. We never made it past our underwear (which probably covered more than most bathing suits) and only four of us played. I believe, if memory serves me right, it was me, Chris Wilson, Dan Boone and Rachel Peace. We’d all been in school together since kindergarten so it was like playing with siblings. Still, the guys wasted no time telling the entire school about the game.

My sophomore year was also a time I apparently had a huge fight with my best friend, Cindy. I was reading what she wrote in my yearbook and I guess something happened where I became better friends with Rachel and Cindy got left behind. I don’t remember any of the details, but it still made me sad. Cindy and I became friends on the first day of fourth grade and had shared so much. I guess things started working out before school got out that year because there’s an addendum to Cindy’s original note. All I know is that by the time we’d reached senior year, she was my best friend and confidant. Cindy was the one I shared everything with and the one I trusted most. While I remember having a lot of fun with Rachel, especially during Driver’s Ed, most of my good high school memories involve Cindy.

The fashions really cracked me up. Greenwood was a preppy school and we embraced the look. In group photos I noticed that almost all the girls were wearing Topsiders, oxford shirts or polos and rolled jeans. My Topsiders were actually the first pair of shoes I wore out and still kept wearing them. I remember having a collection of plaid skirts with matching sweaters, penny loafers (into which I inserted Canadian dimes), pleated jeans and khakis. I dressed up for school. Cindy and I would spend the summer discussing what we were going to wear on the first day of school. The most memorable outfit was our white jeans, blue shirts from Steve’s Shoes and Nike tennis shoes. I believe that was worn on the first day of 8th grade. Cindy can correct me if I’m wrong.

Ahh memories.

One of the perks of befriending my metals instructor, Sarah, is that she thinks of me when a student needs an internship. This means I get an advanced student to help me with my studio work and I don’t have to pay them. That’s the good news. The bad news is that they are usually limited on time and skills, but it’s nothing I haven’t been able to work around in the past.

This summer I get Stacey. I have taken a couple of classes with her so I’m familiar with her personality and work. She’s a little odd, but I like her. I saw her senior show and she’s been doing a lot of work in steel which is very interesting and shows her skills have improved. I chatted with her last night and told her all about the excitement of production work. I told her it would be repetitive and boring and she replied that she didn’t expect it to be a party. I think we’ll get along well.

I have her for three weeks and she needs to cram 30-35 hours into that time. Luckily, I prepared some work for her a couple of weeks ago so we can get started in the studio right away. I’m hoping I’ll use the same time to work on more granulation. I’m still pushing myself to come up with a new design, but I need to ease up and work on what I have already. I can be a real taskmaster when I want to be!

Yesterday I arrived home and discovered our lawn had been mown. I called my neighbor, Tracy, to see if her son had done it but she wasn’t home. Steve arrived shortly after I did and started casing the house. He determined that the job had probably been done by our South neighbor, Gary, since the path of the mower matched.

It was a nice gesture since Steve hadn’t had time to do it, but it was still a bit weird. And invasive. Steve likes to take care of our lawn which means he enjoys mowing it a certain way, weeding it and generally taking care of things. While I’m sure whoever mowed the lawn thought they were doing us a favor, they didn’t take into account the fact we might not want our lawn mowed yet. Steve purposely keeps the grass higher since the front yard is nothing but weeds. The higher lawn looks better that when it’s shaved down like it is now. Plus, the mowing was done quickly and areas were left undone.

It’s hard to complain about someone doing something nice for you so we won’t. Steve will ask Gary if he mowed the lawn and thank him if he did. But if any of you think about “surprising” a neighbor with mowing their lawn, you might want to ask them first!

Steve was gone most of last week and, while I love having time to myself, I was glad to see him return on Thursday. Especially when I found out there had been attempted burglaries on several houses in our neighborhood Wednesday night. I don’t worry much because we have good locks (which I check nightly) and my neighbor, Tracy, keeps an eye on things. Still, having Steve home made me feel better.

We entered the weekend plan-free which was fine with us. On a whim I called Sarah and Dennis Friday morning and we planned a casual get-together at our house Friday night. It was really just an excuse to make Mojitos with all the mint we had growing at the side of the house. We grilled some pork tenderloins and sweet potatoes and rounded out the meal with a delicious salad of fresh greens from Dennis’ garden. It was a great way to start the weekend.

Saturday we did some work around the house then took a short road trip to Branson to visit the Banana Republic outlet. Steve was looking for new work clothes and I wanted a dress. We didn’t buy anything and quickly decided that we were tired of people and wanted to spend the rest of the evening at home. We arrived home with a Papa Murphy’s pizza and plans to relax on the deck. We opened a nice bottle of Pinot Grigio and settled in. While we were inside waiting on the pizza to finish baking my cell phone rang. It was Sarah calling to tell us she and Dennis had set up a croquet game at a local park and several friends were joining them for a game. Oh, and they had Mojitos! She told us to bring the pizza and join them which we did. Dennis is a fierce competitor when it comes to croquet. I have never been able to beat him and the joke is to try to knock him out of the game. Naturally, we failed again to beat him, but we had a blast. After our picnic and a couple of games we all came back here so Steve could make everyone espressos with his new machine. The house didn’t clear out until after midnight and we were beat!

Sunday was chore day and not very eventful, which was fine by me. We did take a short break to do some more clothes shopping since our Branson trip had been a bust, but we didn’t buy anything at the mall either. Guess that just means we didn’t need anything! Actually, Steve found a couple a nice suits but the sales weren’t good enough so we decided to wait.

I guess it’s fate we didn’t spend any money over the weekend because Steve ran over a 4″ metal rod on the way to the gym early Monday morning and we’re going to need a new tire. Of course, the tires on the Fit are special and have to be ordered so Steve took my car to work and I’m driving the Fit with an attractive donut wheel on the back. Hopefully, the new tire will be in tomorrow.

That’s all for now. Today I’m going to try and work in the studio even though I have no desire to do so. I’m feeling so uninspired but pressured to create something new. I figure puttering around will be good enough to at least get my brain going.

Today would have been (if my calculations are correct) my Nana’s 95th birthday. She was opinionated, outspoken and cussed like a sailor but she loved almost everyone unconditionally, and would drop what she was doing to help you. I adored her. She’s also the grandmother who taught my sister and I how to cuss and had a colorful saying for almost every occasion (like telling you where you could find sympathy in the dictionary – between “$hit” and “syphilis”). 

Nana was only 4’11” but liked to say that, “dynamite comes in small packages” and she was right. She may have been small, but you didn’t mess with her. When I was a teenager she was the only person I’d hug. Not because I loved her the most, but because she used to demand that I come over and “give her some sugar.” Some things I just couldn’t refuse and loving on my grandmother was one of those things.

She was talented and could sew almost anything. She made my senior prom dress from a picture, part of an actual pattern and a pattern she created out of newspaper. She upholstered all our furniture, would re-paint a room on a whim and made the best fried chicken you’ve ever tasted. To say they broke the mold when she was made is an understatement.

Sure, she had her faults, but it’s her birthday and I’m not going to go into them. I’ll always remember spending summers working in her garden, helping to mow the lawn (on a riding mower!) and spending summer nights sleeping on the patio. It’s been 20 years since she died and I think of her often. Happy Birthday, Nana! I hope you’re looking down from heaven and are proud of who I’ve become.

I work in fashion and I keep up with trends, but there are some things I just don’t understand. Scarves in the summer is one of those things. We have a wide variety of gorgeous featherweight scarves at the store so I put one on the other day to see how it looked. It was so hot! Wad up a bunch of featherweight cashmere or cotton and you get a hot towel-like thing choking your neck. I thought it would be better if I draped it slightly rather than wrapping it around my neck, but it still felt hot even in the air conditioning.

I think they look really cute, but I doubt I’ll be pairing one with a tank top and shorts this summer. Right now I don’t even like wearing a watch. Think I’ll save my scarves until fall.